Taking care of someone with breast cancer poses unique challenges. But millions of parents, children, siblings, partners, friends, neighbors, sisters, daughters and sons put their lives on hold to take care of someone they love. Every day they put someone else ahead of themselves and sacrifice their own personal priorities.
They drive them to appointments, spend hours in waiting rooms or hospitals and listen to the doctors meet with their loved ones. Every day they walk the fine line of being an advocate while at the same time maintaining a respectful autonomy. They pause before asking the questions, they think twice before making statements; sometimes they suffer in silence and weep with helplessness. Sometimes they wish they could bare all the pain by themselves, so that their loved ones are spared.
They explain to their supervisors about taking extra time off from work, fill out complicated Family and Medical Leave Act papers, talk to insensitive insurance representatives and complete more complicated insurance papers. They sacrifice their own health and share the financial burden.
Here are some tips on being a good caregiver:
Be a good listener:
Only one person understands the pain of being a patient, and that is the patient. None of us know what it’s like to be in his or her shoes, until we walk in those shoes. A person with breast cancer and those without live in two different worlds. Listening is one way of connecting those two worlds.
Have a frank conversation with the patient about his or her illness:
Try to understand his or her view about the price they are willing to pay when dealing with a life-threatening illness. Discuss quality of life versus quantity. Each person will have a very unique approach to these very difficult questions.
Respect the patient’s privacy:
You will likely be the person who is charged with setting the boundaries with other family members or friends to protect their medical information.
Be a strong advocate with the healthcare team for the patient:
Everybody needs a champion. It may well be your responsibility to stand up and advocate for your loved one. You can serve as the eye, ear and mouth for your loved one who is suffering. If done properly, this will help the patient, and the doctors will respect your voice.
Be a good navigator:
Health care is a very complicated place and a complicated process. Navigating through the system alone is a challenge for anyone, even the savviest of patients. They need someone to help them in navigating this process.
Try to understand the illness as much as possible:
Ask the right questions to the doctors and nurses, and try to understand the unique nature of your loved one’s breast cancer. Try to filter the noise from the websites, literature and chatter from neighbors, friends and well-meaning experts.
It takes a village — help organize that!
Organize friends, neighbors, and co-workers to help with tasks on a regular, weekly basis. You can set up a wishlist of support items through SoKind (here is a sample sign up for a breast cancer patient), a driving or prayer sign up through Sign up Genius, or organize a meal schedule through Take Them A Meal.
Forge Coffee Conversation: Being a male co-survivor/caregiver
If you have any questions or concerns, contact Forge’s Client Services Coordinator, Janet Dees, at (205) 990-5367 or [email protected]. Si hablas español y quieres más información, por favor contacta a Ana Emaldi, al (205) 990-5375 O al [email protected].